Wishing for a ‘pensieve’….

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Time– 12:25 AM

Venue– Living room. H family residence. Doha, Qatar.

External Environment– Cool (AC on), Television – News, Hot Chocolate, Laptop…. Sleeping baby and working husband next door….

Internal Environment- Pensive, Restless, Thoughtful…….. Frustrated….Content, almost Happy…. Anxious…..

Thought I’d do a post on “where to buy all the ‘baby-stuff’ in Doha”…..

In preparation…..

Put Iil Z to bed, wrap up things in the kitchen, put the laundry to dry, shower, brush….……

Make some hot chocolate …

Power the lappy on….

Fingers hover over keypad….

Pause…

The usual flurry of works don’t come. Ideas are scrambled. The thoughts don’t cohere.  The mind is restless. This happens quite often. All things; both big and small, important and inconsequential, germane and irrelevant…. All collide and enmesh into one turgid, incoherent mass. Wish there was a ‘pensieve*’ around here. To pour my thoughts into…. And pick up later…..one by one…to examine… to ponder over….

All together they stifle….

This must happen to everyone…every once in a while…when everything bothers….everything is worrying…from a chipped nail to a breach in the ozone layer, from a paper cut to global warming, from next morning’s breakfast to human rights…..

I wish sometimes, there was no media, no TV, no 24/7 news……

I wish the world were still round….(and not “flat”…thanks to globalisation)….

I wish I had the solitude and blissful ignorance of tribal Amazonian natives….

Then my worries would be the consequence of only MY problems. By virtue of ignorance, I would then be exempt from worrying about others’ travails….

I wouldn’t have to think about the carnage in Gaza, or the rapes in Uttar Pradesh, or the wretched labourers in Doha…..

I wouldn’t have to ponder over human trafficking or child labour or child abuse….

I would have no clue what female emancipation or feminism meant… I wouldn’t have to care about fighting for it….

I wouldn’t know what it is like to have a Muslim name on a passport….and what unexpected ills it can present….

I wouldn’t have to sympathise with acid attack victims, or hear about honour killings and dowry harassment….

I wouldn’t know there 800 million odd undernourished people in the world, many of whom live and die in my home country….while I eat, drink and make merry…..

I wish I didn’t watch the news, or read the paper….

I wish I lived in a far- away jungle….where all I needed to worry about…were my own problems…. Where three full meals and shelter…and family…Was enough….

 

 

 

 

 

We have a home to manage, careers to make, children to raise…….

We also need to own houses, go for holidays, read books, buy bags and shoes and watches…….

Gifts to give…..

The bigger car, the better phone, the shinier jewelry…..

The ever-prettier wife, the richer husband, the smarter progeny……

We envy and we covet….. We wish for….We yearn to…. We worry….. We suffer….. WE chase instant gratification all our lives….. While the proverbial “happiness” sits right next to us-  unrecognised, ignored. The small, everyday joys are devalued. All in pursuit of greater felicitousness…..

Time runs by, the skin wrinkles, the mind withers…..

The pursuit never ends….

Wish I could stop fretting over the small things- leaky taps, noisy neighbour, pending laundry, sore back, nicked finger….

Or be vexed by larger problems- ailing parent, disobedient child, stagnant career, nasty co-workers, faulty car….

Or be bothered by things I have no control over- wars, terrorism, pollution, death…..

I really, really wish I had a pensieve* with me….

The thoughts swirl around….round and round in ceaseless circles….

The mind wanders….. far beyond the realms of necessary….

The worry corrupts every joy….every indulgence is laden with guilt….every blessing tainted with fears for the future….

Wish I was unaware…of all that’s wrong with the world….

Wish I could enjoy…all that’s right with the world…..

Wish I could truly LIVE my present….my family….my life…..

Because LIFE IS RUNNING OUT!

 

 

 

 

I pause. Enough. I had warned you. About randomness….. I have no control over it. Hopefully things will be back to schedule tomorrow. Hope.

Till then…Hope all you lovely folks have a great day.

Stop fretting. Start living.

J.

* For those who never read Harry Potter…..Google it!

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