Malayali 101

 

ALL MALAYALIS……

1. Are those that originate from or are/were inhabitants of the southern Indian state of Kerala

 

kerala.map

 

 

2. Speak at least one-version of the multifaceted language- Malayalam

 

3. Hate it when you call them “Madrasi”

madrasi
This is wrong on sooo many levels….

 

4. Are not “Malabaris”

5. Don’t have a funny, “zimbly” accent.

lola
Why Lola, Why? Why did you do this to us?

 

6. Do not do a post- conditioner rinse with coconut oil

7. Do not have “spring- curly” hair

8. Do not sport wild, bushy mousthaches

Dileep42573

 

9. Are not dark- skinned

Asin-Cool-Wallpapers-HD-Wallpaper

 

10. Are not fair skinned either

people-kerala

 

11. Don’t run nondescript bakeries/ grocery stores or wayside tea stalls

tea shop

 

12. Know who Mammooty and Mohanlal are (at this point non-malayali readers will have to google)

13. Have relatives in the “gelf”

gulf-malayali-logo-bg-white14. Are not nurses/ nurses’ spouse’s working abroad

20BGLIGHTING_THE_LA_957385f

 

15. Are excellent, world- class immigrant material

 

MOST MALAYALIS

1.Are obsessive news readers/ watchers/followers

M_Id_328980_National

2008082852600301

 

2. Have strong political opinions

kerala_20030623

 

3.  Are educated….(Everybody’s heard of the literacy rate in Kerala)

4. Watch singing shows in some form or the other

5. Are fans of “mimicry” (Ask your “mallu” friend what that means….)

6. Have items like Tang, Nido, Labello Lip Balm, Axe Oil etc with Arabic labels strewn about in their homes in Kerala (this was before they were imported to or manufactured in India)

gulf item

 

7. Can survive and then thrive at any place/ condition/ weather/ environment on this globe

12630

 

8. Are obsessive- compulsive when it comes to hoarding/flaunting gold

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9. Make excellent government workers

employee strikes

22TV_PENSION_1185546f

 

 

OTHER UNIQUE FEATURES

1. Will retain their basic Malayali characteristics no matter where they go.

27-4-5I

eid_0

 

onam_rangoli

 

2. Give a Malayali a banana, some coconut, and a bit of rice- she/he can make 100 different meals out of it

3. Are fitted with secret “mallu- detection” sensors/radar/software that can detect/ sense a fellow mallu from at least ten feet away.

4. Complaining/ whining about Kerala and it’s state of affairs is the sole entitlement of a Malayali. No self- respecting Malayali will let an outsider criticize his mother state

5. One cannot become a Malayali by marriage or by staying in Kerala, that is a privilege to be acquired by birth alone.

6. Will usually shy away from manual labour. Need assistance from neighbour Tamil Nadu or far away states in  North India in that department.

7. Will definitely find another Malayali living there, no matter which remote corner of the world you go to.

8. A Malayali’s status in society is primarily dependent on the numbers of degrees held and the sovereigns of gold owned. Hard cash does not count.

 

List still in progress…..

 

Add your own folks!

Hail Malayalis!

 

* sorry…did this on a Thursday as I did not have anything interesting to post in the “the week that was” category!!

Till next time….

J.

6 Comments

Add yours →

  1. Dedicated to “All Malayalees” settled in Gulf

    – Only a Malayali will speak to another Malayali in English. –

    North Indian speak to other in Hindi, Tamilians speak to each other in Tamil but a Malayalee is different. we speak to each other in English mostly but will speak in Hindi to northies, in tamil to tamilians and maybe even french / spanish / etc but if we chose to speak with malayalees in Malayalam, it will still be Manglish 🙂

  2. Hahahah..fortunately or unfortunately i m not the one..I m from Hyderabad . In any case i cant get Keralite citizenship even if i spent rest of my life in Kerala 🙂 ..i really like point no.3 ..so nicely u put together the words….

  3. Fantastic description..loved it:)

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