1. Are those that originate from or are/were inhabitants of the southern Indian state of Kerala
2. Speak at least one-version of the multifaceted language- Malayalam
3. Hate it when you call them “Madrasi”
4. Are not “Malabaris”
5. Don’t have a funny, “zimbly” accent.
6. Do not do a post- conditioner rinse with coconut oil
7. Do not have “spring- curly” hair
8. Do not sport wild, bushy mousthaches
9. Are not dark- skinned
10. Are not fair skinned either
11. Don’t run nondescript bakeries/ grocery stores or wayside tea stalls
12. Know who Mammooty and Mohanlal are (at this point non-malayali readers will have to google)
13. Have relatives in the “gelf”
15. Are excellent, world- class immigrant material
1.Are obsessive news readers/ watchers/followers
2. Have strong political opinions
3. Are educated….(Everybody’s heard of the literacy rate in Kerala)
4. Watch singing shows in some form or the other
5. Are fans of “mimicry” (Ask your “mallu” friend what that means….)
6. Have items like Tang, Nido, Labello Lip Balm, Axe Oil etc with Arabic labels strewn about in their homes in Kerala (this was before they were imported to or manufactured in India)
7. Can survive and then thrive at any place/ condition/ weather/ environment on this globe
8. Are obsessive- compulsive when it comes to hoarding/flaunting gold
9. Make excellent government workers
OTHER UNIQUE FEATURES
1. Will retain their basic Malayali characteristics no matter where they go.
2. Give a Malayali a banana, some coconut, and a bit of rice- she/he can make 100 different meals out of it
3. Are fitted with secret “mallu- detection” sensors/radar/software that can detect/ sense a fellow mallu from at least ten feet away.
4. Complaining/ whining about Kerala and it’s state of affairs is the sole entitlement of a Malayali. No self- respecting Malayali will let an outsider criticize his mother state
5. One cannot become a Malayali by marriage or by staying in Kerala, that is a privilege to be acquired by birth alone.
6. Will usually shy away from manual labour. Need assistance from neighbour Tamil Nadu or far away states in North India in that department.
7. Will definitely find another Malayali living there, no matter which remote corner of the world you go to.
8. A Malayali’s status in society is primarily dependent on the numbers of degrees held and the sovereigns of gold owned. Hard cash does not count.
List still in progress…..
Add your own folks!
* sorry…did this on a Thursday as I did not have anything interesting to post in the “the week that was” category!!
Till next time….