Watches have evolved from mere timepieces to personal statements. From functional mechanical contraptions to much- coveted pieces of art. J always judges a man by his words and deeds, but the watch (and shoes!) does partake in formulating a first impression.
A watch need not be overtly luxurious, exorbitantly pricey, or pretentiously branded; but it should reflect the essence of the man wearing it.
Incidentally, the thing that stood out for J about Mr H, when they met for the first time (eons ago!) was his watch… (and then the shoes…)…
The watch speaks of the man wearing it. Here are Dr J’s 13 default categories of men as determined by their timepieces:–
1. The Functional Guy– The generic gentleman. He who does not care for style, design, art or exclusivity. One who does not wish to stand out or be noticed. One who blends in. The office clerk, the code jock, the ever busy doctor, the pizza guy…the brilliant,careless science- man….
2. The Self- Proclaimed Mr Cool– Will use all and any means to stand out. The polar opposite of The Functional Guy. Technicolored hair, in-your-face tattoos, garish demeanour, ripped-at-awkward places jeans, pricked-at-painful-areas piercings….You get the drift. The watch is loud, quirky and always warrants a second look- just like the man.
3. The Tech- Freak– Ubuntu/ Linux loving, Microsoft friendly, iOS androidy guy. The one who jailbreaks your iPhone and possibly whips out an android app every week or so….Squeezes out every last technological drop from every single gadget he owns. Dreams of integrating everything, from unlocking the car, to stocking the fridge, cooling the house, recording favourite TV shows, to flushing the toilet after business; into one epic software. Believes in a seamless existence. So the watch needs to fit in.
4.Mr Futuristic– Believes the earth is awaiting the arrival of a superior species. Want robots to be integrated into human society and roots for artificial intelligence to be made infinitely mainstream. The usual, boring, conventional watches won’t do. It has to be truly “future-worthy”
5. The Cognoscente– The connoisseur of the classics. Has a fine eye for everything classic hence only the timeless timekeepers have a chance of embracing his wrist. Price and rareness are no hindrance. Only the finest, the most luxe will do. No compromise. No settling. The watch has to match…
6. The Garish Noveu- Riche– New and fast money creates a borderline gaudy, flashy species. The flashier, the better. Oddly shaped, super- expensive, uber- exclusive cars; palace like suburban mansions, a self-owned retreat at Palm Jumeirah, penthouse in Manhattan,endless, exotic vacations and diamond stuffed- gold watches…maketh this type.
7. The Minimalist– No fuss, no frills. Finds beauty in simplicity. A watch has to tell the time. Nothing more. Nothing less. In fact the lesser the fuss it makes in this endeavour the better.
8. The Macho Guy’s Guy– Sinewy, muscly, rugged. Filters out every effeminate characteristic from self. No fine, refined timepieces for this group. No sir. The watches here are big, bad and male.
9. The Fitness Junkie– A manic jogger, the marathon addict, a triathlon enthusiast, the gym nut- his watch should do much more than just tell the time. It should count calories, monitor heart rate, record steps tread, speed, distance, pulse…
10. The Still-a-Boy Man– Is stuck in a time warp. Still wears the digital watch gifted by his second maternal uncle on his 8th birthday. Does not buy a new one for god-knows-what reason.
11. The Geek– Wears whatever floats his boat. A star- wars relic, a snitch- like watch, one with Gandalf on it’s dial or maybe Calvin & Hobbes. Cares a rat’s arse what someone else thinks of him.
Or could be a nerdy, forgetfull but brilliant academic wearing a sentimental piece… (aka Robert Langdon and his Mickey watch?)
12. Monsieur Elegant– Effortlessly refined. Possessing understated elegance and grace. Chic. The elegance and self- confidence reflects in his taste of watches.
13. The Weirdo– Occasionally may be confused with the “I-who shall-stand out” Self- Proclaimed Mr Cool. But this a distinct watch species. This dude does not necessarily crave attention, he is just plain weird. And so are his watches.
That almost covers all the types. Almost. There will be the occasional oddity. The list shall be updated as new categories are added.
And now, which group would a man wearing this watch fit into ? 😉
This is what you would see Mr H wearing ninety percent of the time!
Till next time…