New mums do crazy, weird, inexplicable things that make absolutely no sense to non- mums and men.
Here are some examples:-
1.The mommy- sleep. Irrespective of how “heavy”/ deep a sleeper they were prior to being a mum, they suddenly turn into feather- light sleepers. The slightest stir, the minutest cry, can get her from pseudo-mommy sleep to full on war- prepped alertness in about 2 seconds. Because any longer, would mean a baby who wakes up- and wails or plays for the next two hours, as per her discretion.
2. Getting out of the house means endless packing and preparation. A diaper bag is like a commando survival kit plus standard issue military rucksack combined. Only difference, it weighs more (some might argue it’s more aesthetically pleasing as well!). Also, miraculously, each day the diaper bag keeps packing on the pounds.
3. They always seem to hear the little one cry, even when they are not! They also suffer from shower schizophrenia.
4. Shopping trips earlier always commenced at the ladies apparel section, followed by the make-up and fragrance counters and culminated at the shoe-store. Now they begin at the baby section. Always.
5. Going to the bathroom becomes a well- publicized, often- complained about activity. The husbands have no idea why it’s such a big deal. This is why…..
6. Post- partum mommy brain is addled, confused and prone to selective amnesia. Partners beware.
On- after- cooking stoves, over-baked cakes, burnt toast, spilled milk….
Heater left on, hair- straightener on plastic, bleeding fabrics with white shirts in washer…..
7. They fall asleep at the oddest of places and times.
8. No matter how stylish they once were, their garb of choice post- partum is- PYJAMAS. All day, everyday.
9. They abruptly lose contact with their single, working, non-mommy friends while trying desperately to contact, until-now-ignored, stay-at-home friends with kids.
10. She figures out a favoured (by the little one course!) lullaby/ song early on, then goes on to sing it 24/7 for the next 3 years.
11. And most importantly, the husband is suddenly the root cause of all evil.
Till the next mommy tale….