Of starting something new and re- starting something old….

Finally, a week of tangible progress. Of palpable movement.  I have been withering in stagnation the past few weeks. And just when despair was extending its vicious but welcoming arms, pleasant changes arrive, bearing gifts of calm and relief. And hope.

Lil Z is tiny, helpless and fragile no more. She is now a perfect little human being with a personality to match her crazy mum’s! She had her first taste of “food” this week. Boy, was it a funny sight! After all the hospital visits, worry and frantic running around of the initial months, just watching her do mundane things is a sight to behold.

So many new starts for her this week- A walker, a high-chair, a sippy cup, her first bowl and spoon, her first morsel (okay gruel is more appropriate!) of food….

While Z is embarking on new and exciting adventures, her Mum slowly starts to crawl back to her old ways. Old, comforting, refreshing ways. The constant two- hours- to- the- next- feed days are almost behind her. Getting out of the house is easier. Not sleeping is not so hard. The old jeans fit (Oops! Correction- “are loose”). The books on the nightstand are back. Shopping is fun again. Work outs can be squeezed into schedules….

This past week, I ran my first 10K in more than a year. It’s hard to believe that just a couple of months ago I’d thought it’s all over. That life would never be the same again. That I’d never be able to do the things I once did.

Well, some things will never be the same again. I realize that. But those things were never meant to be permanent anyway. The things that matter, are slowly going back to being the same again. Am I making any sense at all?

Being at home, not working, being responsible for someone other than myself, sacrifices, responsibilities that can never take a break, sleeplessness, fatigue, worry, anxiety, despair, hope, love, support, family……Aah! Life seems to have come full circle.

For the briefest of moments, I feel the bliss of infinite calm. Just for a moment. I shall savour it while it lasts. For I know all too well, chaos is just round the corner.

It always is!

Till the next ramble…

Dr J.

2 Comments

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  1. Your blog is so..mm, whats the word..eloquent?articulate?engaging?.. that I feel with you, I feel the bliss of calm!!
    Keep going..its such a pleasure to read 🙂

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