The choices we make.

 

A decade or so ago, I thought I was invincible.

Fresh out of high school, I was ready to conquer all in sight.

Dreams without confines.

Unadulterated confidence.

Self- belief; unmarred with doubt or fear.

I truly believed that life was about choices.

That we chose our paths and hence are masters of our own destinies.

 

Success was a foregone conclusion.

Excellence was to be a way of life.

Entering the adult world was supposed to be exciting.

Liberating.

Enlightening.

The shackles were finally going to be broken.

Of school, uniforms, rules, regulations, curfews, diktats…

The choices seemed endless.

The freedom boundless.

 

The euphoria of freedom, doesn’t last for long though.

You are gagged, tied-up and stowed away in the boot of a car.

For years.

And one day, you are abruptly set free.

Thrown out of the cramped, dark but secure place onto a hard road.

In pelting rain.

With barely anything on you to keep you warm or shield you from the harsh, stinging drops of rain and harsh winds..

The thunder disorients you further, and the lightening blinds you.

And just as you try to test your long- unused legs and stand up, you are caught  in the glare of a pair of blinding headlights…

Hurtling towards you.

You have no time to process your choices.

Or to make a decision.

What choices do you have anyway.

Stand your ground and be run over? Killed?

Or jump away? Hoping that you won’t harm yourself further in the process.

Do you really think you have a choice?

Doesn’t instinct make you jump out of the way anyway?

 

Every single day- we are met with so called “choices”.

They run our lives.

Even ruin it possibly.

We are made to believe that we are responsible for our joys and woes.

That we CHOOSE our fates.

We are constantly being asked to choose between the rock and the hard place.

Between the devil and the deep blue sea.

Between the frying pan and the fire.

Our lives inhabit the proverbial sea between Scylla and Charybdis.

One is never truly better than the other.

 

We live on.

Move on.

Soldier on.

Making choices.

Sometimes random.

Sometimes thought- out.

Some time heart- breaking.

Sometimes gut- wrenching.

A few happy ones, help us keep the illusion alive.

Of ultimate happiness.

Of the blinding light at the end of a dark, cold tunnel.

Of fruits for our hard- labour.

Of unconditional love.

Of unsolicited riches.

Of second chances.

And to what end? To move on to the next dismal set of choices.

Or be to be miserable with the current one.

 

Life doesn’t seem so black and white anymore.

I do not judge one by the choices they make.

Vulnerability is no more a sin in my eye.

We all have our weaknesses.

Our fallacies.

Invincibility is a false cloak.

Worn by the vain and pretentious.

Ripped away in due time.

By choices!

 

Conquering all in sight is a dream no more.

Fighting each day, to live another; is the goal.

The “another” day possibly shall bear joy and contentment.

Or possibly, a day without choices.

A day where one can just live.

And not chose.

For one, is rarely truly better than another!

 

Till next time…

Dr J.

 

 

2 Comments

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  1. I am at life’s crossroads myself…sp yeah…. Even this weird rant makes sense!

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