An uncensored, unedited thought thread.

There might be an old friend of yours; that you meet after a mighty long time. You once spoke a mile a minute and were never short of conversational inspiration. The thoughts poured forth and the words followed soon after. Then one fine day, you part and do not meet for a jolly long while. And when your paths finally cross, you stumble through preliminary greetings and even though you have much to say and catch up on, your words stall and an awkwardness prevails over the conversation. You embellish your truths with euphemisms and you inquire genteelly about their situation.

This is exactly how I feel at the moment. I have been so caught up with the intricacies of everyday life, that I have forgotten, and entirely ignored the long, fantastic conversations that I once had with myself. I now know not where to start.

Yes, MYSELF!

I have the best conversations/ arguments/ discussions with myself. We are evenly matched in terms of intellect and temerity; and we know each other as well as any good friend can, and more. No matter how much outside advice I seek, and how much expert opinion or friendly advice I am presented with; ultimately every issue that concerns and bothers me has to be resolved with ‘my’ help. Inside my head.

Similarly, I have also been slightly step-motherly toward this blog. The hurried, substandard posts recently, reflect my current state of of mind and my preoccupation with other matters at hand. I seem to be perpetually hurried and hence every thing I do or accomplish at present seems sub- par. Apologies my dear reader, I am certain you deserve better; at least in terms of effort if not results. Most of you, return almost everyday, lord knows for what reason, to subject yourselves to the vagaries of a female mind and the words of a fickle soul. Whatever it is that brings you back time after time, I appreciate your effort and would like to sincerely thank you.

I may have started this as a selfish exercise, as an outlet for my endless rambles; but dare I say it has grown into something more. On late nights such as these, when I’m utterly drained and tired, sitting in front of this flickering screen brings some eerie solace. Knowing that there well might be someone across the screen after all. An invisible, intangible, well- wisher, friend or even a jealous but worthy hater!

I shall therefore try harder, and be better.

Till next time..

Dr J.

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