I have quit.
I have said it.
* Long breath*
The mojo has long been murdered by circumstance, though I can not be blamed for giving in without a fight.
I fought, long and hard. But my loss was pre-ordained, almost inevitable.
I could blame dodgy knees. Or work-days which stretch into the ungodly hours of the night. An endless barrage of chores and domestic tasks that magically burgeon in every hour that they lay undone. Presentations which crop up every week and pre- rounds that begin at the crack of dawn.
Regardless of the raison d’être, the guilt and helplessness (of not doing what one wants/ yearns to do) has been festering within for long now. Letting go, has been a relief. Unexpectedly I sense a calm resignation descend upon me, one that soothes frayed nerves and restless thoughts. It’s better now. Like emesis post a long episode of relentless nausea. The pressure is slowly but surely fizzling out, and the competitiveness and will to go harder, faster and further has dimmed and almost died out.
I thought such a day might never come about. Heck, I did not know such possibilities existed.
But then I always thought things wrong!
Life truly is an evil, manipulative, sadistic ol’ devil.
Till next time.